As Soft Wings Unfold Chapter One Five Weeks Later It was winter in Manhattan. Throughout the day the inhabitants of the underground world had shivered and huddled close to the main hub, chatting and enjoying each others company almost reluctant to return to their own chambers and encounter the chilly tunnels. The only people that seemed to give off a radiant heat were the children. Happy to have the endless tunnels to themselves, they had spent the best part of the day engaged in races, and had grown hot amid their warm tunnel clothing. Father’s voice had boomed, “If you have so much energy you can help someone with their chores.” the children had laughed and told him quite cheekily that William’s delicious winter fare would soon build up their energy again and that they could help later in the day. And it was true. Father couldn’t argue with that. William’s delicious winter fare had warmed everyone and given even the oldest member of the community enough energy to move around this day and get on with some kind of activity. In fact, Father eyed his chamber spectacularly; there wasn’t a book or a candle out of place. He chuckled to himself as in his minds eye, he remembered his visitors moving items absentmindedly as they had joined with him that day in idle pursuit, and in no time at all his whole chamber was clean and tidy. “Perhaps I shall never find anything again.” he murmured to himself with quiet resignation, “Though I’ve not wanted for visitors this day so I mustn’t complain.” The day had wound down with the tunnel residents reluctantly leaving the main hub to return to their own chambers, hoping that in their absence the banked stoves and heavy curtains framing the chamber entrances had kept their quarters warm. Father pulled a book towards him fingering its pages lovingly. It was one he hadn’t read in a while. Someone must have shifted it earlier. He’d read it as a boy and had been enthralled by it, and longed to read it again now. Black Beauty by Anna Sewell. Somehow Black Beauty’s description of his earliest memory in the sunny meadow appealed to Father right now. He could almost feel the sun’s warmth penetrating the chilly tunnels and seeping right through to his tired old bones. Absorbed in his reading, Father did not notice his son watching him avidly from the doorway, until Vincent had stood there for quite some time. “What is it that you are reading Father?” Vincent enquired; moving into the warm chamber and letting the large curtain drop back into place, before coming to peer at the book over Father’s shoulder. As Vincent stood by him, Father could feel the coldness of the tunnels lurking around his son’s frame, and took in his appearance, somewhat concerned. “Are you going Above?” Vincent was dressed in his large cloak and boots; his gloves pulled up high upon his hands. Vincent nodded, “Yes, don’t worry about me Father. I shall be in Catherine’s safe hands.” Father looked up sharply, unable to resist, “Safe?” causing a deep sigh to escape Vincent, as he lowered his large frame into the chair that he favoured in Father’s study. “You’ve noticed?” Father nodded, laying the book upon the table in front of him. “It’s hard not to do. Would you like to talk about it?” “Yes Father. It is something that needs your counsel, for I feel unable to pursue it myself any longer and gain any answers.” “The relationship you and Catherine have, has deepened has it not?” “You are very shrewd Father. And yes, it has deepened, only I don’t know how to react to that.” “I’ve watched the pair of you for some time Vincent.” Father took hold of his son’s hands within his own, stroking Vincent’s long fingers with his thumbs. His eyes looked deeply into that of his son’s. “I’m concerned for you. Having been brought up to accept that such a relationship could never be for you, I can see how difficult Catherine’s dependence on you has become.” “If only that’s all it were. I could deal with dependence Father, but it’s much more than that.” Vincent spoke softly, bowing his head, allowing his hood to fall further forward and conceal his eyes. “Yes. I know. Once when Catherine told me that she loved you, I took it to mean that she loved you just the way every one of us that knows you, also loves you. It came as quite a shock to hear her say that she didn’t mean that she merely loved you, but rather that she was ‘in love with you.’ Vincent’s gaze met that of his father’s as he folded back his hood to rest upon his shoulders. “You seem surprised?” “I am.” Vincent’s voice shook. “She told me this a long time ago Vincent. And Catherine has very cleverly disguised her need of you, but her love she has not. Since she told me this, I have seen that love grow. It’s in her eyes, the way she watches you. Her smile even. And those quiet moments when she says nothing, they above all else tell me everything. I’m so afraid Vincent of where this love will lead her. In fact where it will lead you both.” Vincent’s heart was racing. To believe that Catherine loved him was one thing. To have it confirmed was quite another. He didn’t know whether to jump for joy or run and hide himself away. Catherine - in love with him, could it really be so? It took all his strength to focus on his conversation with Father. He felt more inclined to go somewhere quiet and absorb this revelation. Father was waiting patiently. Watching the many expressions chase across his dear son’s face, with concern and a little amusement. His merry eyes twinkling. Slowly Vincent pulled his mind into gear enough to ask, “Father I did not know how Catherine really felt about me. I only know what it is that I feel.” “And what is that Vincent?” Vincent evaded the question momentarily, saying instead, “Once you told me that following our connection would only make me unhappy. Do you remember? It was after Catherine had healed down here after the attack, and had gone back home.” Father nodded, “Yes, and you replied, “Then I’ll be unhappy. Are you unhappy Vincent?” “Only in that, for me, the love I have for Catherine, the love she has for me, is only a dream. It can go nowhere, and the acceptance of that Father brings me the greatest pain I have ever known.” Father nodded. He understood only too well the impossibilities of his son’s relationship with a woman of the world above, no matter whom it might be. Even with a woman of the world below would bring its own problems. Vincent was only half-human and the other side of him too complex for anyone to really understand it but for Vincent himself. Yet for all that Father had been proven wrong. He knew that now. Three years earlier when Catherine had first entered their lives he had believed he was right. Right in advising Vincent to stay away from her. Shocked when Vincent had declared, ‘then I’ll be unhappy’, when he had advised that such a relationship could only lead to unhappiness. Yet Catherine had continued to come into their lives, and had proved herself a valued helper and a dear member of the community and Father had been forced to admit that he had grown to love her as a daughter. More so since her own father had died and they had grown closer. Father wondered how Vincent would feel if he now advised that such a relationship might work. Seeing how much Catherine cared for his son, and that she accepted him totally despite his differences, only added to her worth in his eyes. Carefully, as best he could, Father began to say things which he had kept locked in his heart for several months now. “Vincent, when I told you those things all those years ago, I truly believed I was right. I truly believed that a relationship, any relationship with Catherine or any other woman would be devastating for you. I only had your interests at heart.” he hesitated. “But now?” Vincent could feel that more was about to be disclosed. He both craved and feared it. Father hesitated before replying and the sound of people tapping messages on the pipes to one another in the background sounded deafening to Vincent. They were part of his world but now at this moment he didn’t think he had ever cursed their sound so much. He needed silence to be able to think clearly, for he was certain that there was something Father was going to say that would alter his entire future. At last Father took a deep breath and replied, “But now Vincent I find that I am proven wrong. That Catherine can accept you, love you so deeply to contemplate a deeper more meaningful relationship with you, well what can I say Vincent? She is beautiful and you are one very lucky young man.” Vincent tried to absorb his father’s words. Was he stupid? For some reason the advice would not sink in. What was it his father was trying to say? “Put that into plain English can you Father?” Vincent asked, holding his breath for the answer. “I would have thought that was obvious.” Father chuckled, “Vincent do I have to spell it out for you? I was wrong Vincent. In the beginning I was wrong. Catherine and you, well you are made for one another. Your emphatic connection alone should be enough to convince you of that. Your destinies were so obviously linked and it would be a tragedy to try to sever that link Vincent. I firmly believe that together, you and Catherine do have a life to live together, and since you cannot live Above then Catherine will have to come Below to live with you.” “That’s the whole world in a nutshell though isn’t it? How can I possibly ask Catherine to forsake the world Above and live down here with me, even if I were to accept your counsel?” Vincent felt a wave of sorrow pass over him. “Personally Vincent, I think Catherine would jump at the chance of living Below. It does have its good points after all.” “What no friends, no theatres, no employment, those kind of good points Father?” Vincent stood to begin his relentless pacing that Father knew to be frustration speaking. “Now you are being sarcastic. Sit down Vincent, you are making me dizzy.” Vincent slumped back into his seat, the muscles in his legs twitching avidly as if they were still on the move. “Have you ever thought of asking Catherine what she thinks?” “No.” “Then you should.” “I can’t.” “Why not. You may be pleasantly surprised by her answer. In fact, I would say she wouldn’t need asking twice.” “That isn’t why I can’t ask her.” “Then why not?” “Father don’t you see!” Vincent rose again to resume his relentless pacing. “If I ask her, if she comes, then what? Then what does she expect? What more can I give her? Father you know the risks!” “Once maybe. But no more Vincent. Was it not Catherine that went down to the subterranean world alone and confronted the beast, to bring back the man, not once but time and again? And each time she showed only momentary fear Vincent, and then only because of concern. She knew you would not hurt her, even in that frame of mind. Each time her courage saved you and brought you back to us. Surely, if nothing else that alone should convince you that there are no risks. Not now. Vincent it strikes me that it isn’t Catherine you are most afraid of, it is yourself.” Vincent stopped his pacing, and breathing heavily stared down at his father. “I can’t believe you are condoning this. Neither that you can forget how mighty the dark one is.” “And is it not the dark one that protects Catherine every time she is confronted by danger? How then can he injure the one that he loves?” Vincent shook his head. His jumbled thoughts tumbled one upon the other. He had to escape. He needed to think and the sound on the pipes was making his head reel. Pulling the hood of his cloak back over his head, Vincent headed for the exit. “You’re going Above Vincent?” Father enquired. Vincent nodded “Yes Father.” “To Catherine?” “Yes.” Vincent’s voice hissed. Try as he might he could not deny the call of her this night. She needed him. She had needed him all day. Her turbulent emotions ones he did not want to unravel. Besides after so long without her, while she had been away on an assignment didn’t he need her too? “Then take care Vincent. Give Catherine my love.” he wanted to add even if you can’t give her your own, but remained silent. However his eyes spoke volumes and Vincent heard the words nonetheless. He sighed raggedly, “Don’t wait up for me Father.” his parting words echoed over his shoulder as he lifted the heavy door curtain, ducked around it, and let it fall back to its place. Father stared after him as far as the curtain would allow, hearing his son’s muffled footsteps recede. For some reason Father felt immensely sad, and picked up his book again although now void of the interest he had shown it before. The stinging bite to the winter’s chill cut Vincent’s face as he exited the drainage culvert, ever watchful of the world Above. His listening intent upon any sounds which would signal danger, he inhaled deep breaths of icy air that seared his lungs and he desperately held back a cough while he sought through the scents for anything alien, anything which might warn him of impending danger, before satisfied, he moved forward. The sudden sight that met his eyes in no way surprised him, for as he had made his way above the scent of freshly fallen snow had assaulted his senses. There had been a previous snowfall some six weeks earlier, but the sight of seeing it again so soon was still enchanting. Standing alone, with his boots half buried by the abundance of snow at his feet, Vincent surveyed this world, his heart thudding with an unimaginable joy at the mere sight of this winter wonderland. Moon-drenched, the snow sparkled. Its icy hardness, a million fragments of crystal with facets giving off colours that left even the brightest star paling into insignificance. Vincent’s breath caught in his throat. The beauty was spellbinding. Always it affected him the same, yet Vincent was forever indebted to the magic of nature’s virgin blanket by the blaze of joy that seeing it anew each winter brought forth. And to think that out of the trillions of snowflakes that fell each season no two ever bore the same pattern was awesome. Standing there, Vincent almost didn’t want to mar its beauty. Didn’t want to walk through its lushness, and spoil it with footprints that would lead from his home to hers. Almost upon tiptoes, Vincent stepped forward. His long cloak brushing the snow from behind, filling in the indents his feet had made, to a double row of mole hill like mounds, a strange sight to any observer, but none so much to be noticed as the glorious winter wonderland that drew the eye to its magnificence. Yes, despite the abundance wickedness of the world above, Catherine’s world held its own beauty. Yet how could it not? Deep in his mind Vincent’s beautiful voice accompanied him as he made his way silently across the park. There is so much that I have read in books - So much that I can only imagine - Of the world Above. Catherine’s world. I have walked its streets by night Through rising mists and towers of light, I have seen its dark beauty, And I have seen its evil, Its viciousness. I have known, and felt, its cruelty, And wondered at its abandonment of the weak and the helpless. Yet I have also seen the moon, And the stars shining like crystals in the black velvet of a winter sky. I have seen the park Hidden by a blanket of white As the snow soundlessly covers everything. I have felt the warmth of a summer night, Holding me in its embrace. I have felt the rain on my face And the wind in my hair. And in spite of the inhumanity of man, The world above is beautiful. How could it not be? It is Catherine’s world. Nearing the far side of the park Vincent could now see the muffled silhouette of Catherine’s apartment building through the icicle-draped trees. Barren now except for ripples of white that collected in river-like ribbons along the bare brown branches, the trees stood like some fossilised creature luminous against the blackness of the night. Reaching the gates of the park at last, Vincent peered up at Catherine’s apartment, eighteen floors above him. On nights such as these, the way above was perilous. Yet the warmth and the sanctity of losing himself in her arms drew him ever onwards. Never could he keep away, no matter the risks, and this night he really wanted to see her. Observing the silence of the sleeping city, Vincent made his way across the almost deserted street and to the elevator shaft, where he would gain access to Catherine’s rooftop by riding above the elevator car. The restless chugging of the cable being the only sound that penetrated the night, and Vincent held his breath as always, until he reached his destination. Once there, he breathed a sigh of relief, as looking down, the street now far below him, Vincent was awed by the city lights and moonbeams dancing upon the glittering snow that bedecked every avenue, alleyway and footpath, enriching the night with a beauty all its own. Cautiously he lowered himself from the rooftop down to Catherine’s balcony, swinging himself with an ease born of familiarity onto her terrace where the pair of them had spent many happy hours whiling away the nights. Catherine shivered as a soft rustle in the corner of her terrace signified Vincent’s arrival, and she turned with a ready smile to greet him, “You’re cold?” Vincent hurried to enfold her into the warmth of his voluminous cloak; “You shouldn’t have waited outside for me.” “No, I’m not cold Vincent. That involuntary shiver was for the sight of you. I’ve missed you so much.” Her mind was suddenly filled with the last time they had been together as painful as that parting had been it seemed to be such a long time ago and so much had happened to change her life since then. Things of which she needed to speak of desperately. Vincent hugged her tighter, “As I have missed you.” He breathed deeply of her newly washed hair and of the underlying fragrance that was solely Catherine. To hold her again was sheer bliss, after almost six weeks abstinence. Thirty-nine days apart while Catherine worked on a case out of state. “I hated having to leave you Vincent, especially having to miss Winterfest and your birthday too. Joe concludes that I am the best for the job, but what he doesn’t know is that I find it almost impossible to give my utmost to the work when my mind and my heart is so full of you. The longing becomes unbearable.” Catherine’s words caught on a sob, and she snuggled closer to the man that she loved more than life. Vincent’s heart was pained, “It is the price we must pay,” he whispered softly, “For daring to love. Catherine, this dream that we share, it is but a dream, and if it causes you pain, perhaps it is time that the dream were ended.” He had given a lot of thought to this in their five weeks apart. Catherine lifted tear filled eyes to his, “No! Vincent, what we have, if it is all there is, I accept that. But to live without even the smallest part of what we can have, then Vincent the pain would be great, death dealing. I could never live without you in my life. I love you so much.” Catherine held her breath for fear he would leave for hearing her tell him this. Swaying on the spot, Vincent closed his eyes. The words were too beautiful to be believed. To believe that this woman, this beautiful woman could feel bound by a love to long for him so much, to want him in the way that he wanted...No! Vincent would not, could not let himself believe that the dream could unfold into such reality, for him! No matter what Father had implied. Gathering her close, Vincent wanted to lose himself in her. He had missed her so terribly. Not just the missing of her physical presence, but the fact that so far away he could not aid her if she were in danger. Such separations, all too often of late would be the death of him, yet to believe that anything else were possible and have that belief shattered, then that too would bring a death-dealing blow. Happy that he made no mention of her declaration of love nor did he make to leave Catherine invited him into her home; “Won’t you come inside Vincent?” Her question cut through his reverie, and Vincent searched her eyes for an unfathomable moment, trying to establish the meaning behind the invitation. If she were not cold, then why would she invite him inside? Catherine knew how uncomfortable being inside her apartment made him feel, and how greater the risk for them became there. “I think not, my Catherine.” he whispered eventually, while for a heart stopping moment Catherine anticipated his reply. Her heart sank, he felt it, and was at once guarded. Drawing back just slightly from her arms, he asked, “You’ve not been back long, perhaps you should rest. I will see you tomorrow.” “After spending four hours in a stuffy aeroplane and equally as long in a stuffy airport lounge for a delayed flight, rest is the last thing I need. However if you were to offer to walk me through the snow, I feel the fresh air would indeed provide the stimulant I need for a good night’s sleep. Besides there is something I must tell you.” Vincent smiled, trust him to mince words with a clever lawyer. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. The idea of walking through the snow with Catherine seemed wonderful to him. “I’ll meet you at the threshold in ten minutes.” Catherine told him breathlessly, “Just give me time to change, and put on something warmer.” “Yes.” Vincent told her softly, his eyes never leaving hers. Already ten minutes stretched into infinity, it was way too long, and his arms felt desolate without her. Raggedly Vincent sighed, ‘would it always be this way from now on, this constant hunger to have what could never be?’ Catherine was watching him, half expecting him to say something. Yet as he turned to make his way back to the rooftop, Catherine exhaled a breath of resignation. ‘What they had was worth everything, wasn’t it?’ she told herself not for the first time. ‘So then why did her heart cry out for more?’ After spending almost six weeks apart from each other, their longest separation for many a month, she had contemplated their meeting, living on an almost breathless hope that he might have missed her enough to contemplate kissing her, especially with the way they had left things between them before. All she wanted was just a simple kiss. Was it so much to ask? Catherine shook her head with sorrow. She had waited so long for him. Was his fear so intense that it prevented even the simplest of things? He knew what she needed. Six weeks ago she had made that very plain. Later as they walked side by side through the park, Catherine forgot all of those things. Simply, there were no words as the beauty of the snow-drenched night surrounded them. And with their hearts and arms entwined, they were lost to their thoughts through a Bond that thrummed silently between them; 'A soft blanket of snow covers everything soundless beneath my feet. Reflecting stars as bright as any in that velvety firmament. And everywhere silence, everywhere peace. Tonight, Catherine, the park is enchanted, Your world is enchanted, And all around me - only beauty… ...The starlight, the moonlight, the snow - Tonight is indeed beautiful, Vincent. But it’s a night to be held close and warm, away from the icicles that shimmer so prettily. A fireside beckons - Melting winter’s icy touch. Candles glow - And I dream of seeing their light reflected in your eyes, The warmth of the fire-glow in your hair. To sit with you and watch the flames.... ......To watch their pictures, listen to their stories - I too, have dreamed, Catherine, Dreamed of how such a moment would be . And on this magical night, This truly beautiful night, How could dreams not come true?’ Catherine stopped walking, her heart racing. Some stillness about Vincent beckoned her to watch him closely. The night of magic enfolded them in its soft embrace, and they became as one, the only two people on this earth, eyes only for one another. Vincent’s eyes, blue and bright, were filled with love and tenderness as he drank in Catherine’s beauty, and could not wrench his gaze from her. For long moments each waited, almost as if some signal would give a command to do something that each of them longed for. Catherine could feel, could see Vincent’s breath upon the cold night air, it warmed her face, fanned her cheeks, and for one delirious moment her breath almost stopped as she became convinced that he was going to kiss her. His face just mere inches from her own blotted out the stars above them, and he brought his head closer, nearer to the fullness of her lips that beckoned him. Catherine waited, hoped, prayed, that he would continue. The pulse upon her throat beat erratically, when suddenly Vincent’s lips changed direction, and instead of descending down to her own, he reached forwards and kissed her forehead, bringing with it a touch of disappointment that reduced Catherine to tears. Why? Why had he done that? He’d come so close. And it wasn’t just mere wishful thinking on her part. For one electrifying moment his intention had been plain. He was going to kiss her. Gathering her emotions under some control Catherine stilled her racing heart before attempting to meet his eyes once again. Quietly composed, his eyes spoke of nothing untoward, and Catherine sighed, attempting a question that was long over due. “Why Vincent?” Cocking his head to one side, in a gesture that Catherine loved so much, Vincent whispered innocently, “Why what?” “You know what I am talking about. Don’t deny it. I know the signs, I saw it coming, I lived in hope, but you stopped, changed your mind at the last, why?” Vincent pretended to misunderstand, grateful that Catherine could not see the blush that stained his throat, and rose unwillingly to his cheeks. “Catherine, you speak in riddles this night. Perhaps you are colder than you think.” he attempted a chuckle. “I’m not cold Vincent. And you know damn well what I meant. Do you want me to spell it out for you?” “No.” Vincent whispered. He understood only too well. “Catherine, this night, this magical night, for a moment I let myself believe, I let myself imagine that the dream could become reality. I was wrong to assume too much.” he lowered his head, lest she saw there the tears that gathered in his eyes. “Oh Vincent!” Catherine hugged him hard, pulling him closer against her, moulding herself to his body, to his warmth, beneath the folds of his cloak, “Oh my love, “ she murmured, feeling his pain, “don’t you know that without you I am incomplete? Vincent this love we share, it drives us, we are approaching the threshold of another world Vincent, haven’t you felt it? We are changing. What we had before is no longer enough. If the dream needs to be brought to reality for you, then no less for me. Vincent you once said, that one-day if we could pass through the fears, there would be a future for us. Do you remember?” “How could I not?” his husky voice thrilled her, it was filled with longing. Catherine shivered, her voice deepening with emotion, “Vincent now is the time to face those fears and move through them. I am ready Vincent. The question is are you?” Shaking his head, Vincent stated flatly, “I don’t know Catherine. The risk is too great. You don’t know what it is you ask of me. I don’t know myself. You have seen me. You have seen me lost to my darkness. If killing is a passion and love is a passion, how then can I know the difference when each emotion is at its highest. How can the dark one differentiate between the two? Catherine I could kill you!” “All I’m asking for Vincent is a kiss, for now that is.” Catherine smiled tremulously at him trying to ease the moment, but Vincent was unrelenting, “That’s as maybe, but a kiss can lead to...other things...a kiss started might not be enough. Catherine I know, believe me I do know what it is you long for. I find it incomprehensible that one such as you could want one such as me, in that way. And yet I glorify in the knowledge, but with that glory comes my greatest fear. To allow the expression of our love to unfold Catherine...” he sighed, shaking his head, “I can’t I just cant, Catherine the risk is too great.” Leaning her forehead against his chest, Catherine held onto the edges of his cloak, “I want you so much Vincent.” she confessed, hearing him snatch a lung full of air at her words, “Sometimes the pain of this need is unbearably great, and I am certain you are wrong. Love is the greatest force in the universe, and I know that you could never hurt me. Vincent won’t you at least consider it. Just ponder it Vincent that’s all I ask. We, neither of us can carry on indefinitely like this, we both have needs Vincent, needs which are an extension of the love we feel for each other, and needs which demand an expression of that love. Vincent I’m offering you everything. I love you so much.” Vincent shook his head, stunned to the core. That Catherine could utter these words, those same words of his own which he’d held cherished against his heart for so long, unable to voice. The thing was, there was truth in those words. He could not deny them. This expression of their love that Catherine spoke of did demand freedom. Every nerve ending of his tingled in anticipation, ready to embark upon the unknown, to go forward in their relationship. To pass through the fears that bound him, and set him free, but still the chains that bound him locked his heart in its mighty grip. And still his conviction of hurting the one he loved would not dissipate. “I’m sorry Catherine, but we both know that what you ask is impossible.” He fought for control, and found an outlet, “You said earlier that there was something you wanted to tell me?” Catherine felt the gathered tears fall. This solid wall of conviction that he had built up was not easy to pull down. So often she had tried, so often she had failed. His fear was immense. What she had to tell him could wait, although important, for now this problem between them surpassed it. “Yes, it was about the case I’ve been working on, but there is something I need to ask you first “ Catherine drew a deep breath before asking, “Vincent do you love me?” This question was one that she had asked him over a month ago before she had gone away. And one he’d been unable to answer. Holding her breath Catherine waited, wondering if he might still be unable to give her the answer that she so longed to hear. Vincent groaned. A soft rumbling sound that came up from deep within his chest, and broke free into the stillness of the night, seeming all the louder because of the quietness. He tried burying his face into her hair, tried not to give voice to his feelings, but they erupted from him nonetheless, “Yes.” he swallowed hard, “I do love you Catherine.” Catherine closed her eyes, and for long moments glorified in those words. It was amazing how words altered ones whole perspective. She’d known that he loved her, of course she had, but to hear him confess in words, well, that was something wonderful. The words penetrated deep into her heart and soul, and she hugged him tighter, the reflex an action that truly stunned and unnerved him as he felt her soft and pliant body mould itself to his. Together in that silent world of snow and ice, they held on to one another tightly, their hearts as one, their bodies unwilling to draw apart. Yet it was all so traumatic. Tears gathered and fell, for the hopelessness of their love. The despair so great it pained them. Vincent felt Catherine’s pain. It seared through him like a burning arrow straight to his heart. He knew how badly she wanted him, and he could no longer deny how much his own desire matched that need. “What are we going to do?” Distraught Catherine’s voice caught on a sob, not expecting an answer for her question. Vincent’s heart thudded painfully. Yes it was true they had reached a threshold in their relationship. The worst was neither could go back to what they’d had before, neither wanted to do, yet it was safer there, and Vincent wished he were there now. To be able to hold her with an innocence borne of friendship alone and not be torn apart by the feelings he now knew. In a kind of limbo Vincent teetered on the brink of the unknown, fear grounding him from making that final commitment, as like voices on the wind Catherine’s love stole into every crevice of his heart preventing him from refusing to acknowledge it’s existence. ‘Voices on the wind that echo through my heart And sing to me of our love - A love so deep, so beautiful, It is beyond belief. And yet it is a love that tortures - Tortures me with the wanting of you, the longing for you, Feelings that I dare not name. Why can’t it be as it was when I found you As I watched you heal? So pure, so simple then. You held me as you left my world - So tender a gesture, So incomprehensible to me then - A woman’s touch. Now the hunger ravishes my soul Each time I look upon you, Each time you touch me. And I curse this need that burns within me like a flame, Tormenting every cherished moment that we share - Every cherished moment of my heart’s pure love - Infused by thoughts that spring from the darkness within me. Voices on the wind that speak your name Seeking solace for my troubled soul, Longing for the beauty of innocence, A way to love without desire, A way to hold you close And not lose myself to the longing to be lost in you. For, Catherine, you are beyond the baseness of my imaginings, The violation of my touch, The helplessness of my thoughts - Thoughts, at once profane, And yet, somehow, beautiful, They make me weep. For I need your nearness, I need to feel you close, To read the words that I see written in your eyes, Words that I know can never be spoken. And I yearn to lose myself in dreams Of something that can never be. For dreams must be all that I have - All that we can ever have. Only voices on the wind, Soft voices that whisper your name, And promise me everything.’ Why did he still believe that the words could never be spoken? Perhaps by denying their existence he held the pain within. Catherine had told him how much she loved him, and when asked he had reluctantly admitted that he loved her too. Would it be so hard to tell her the words of his soul? The words his heart cried out day and night in relentless leaps and bounds? He drew a deep breath, he had to say this, he just had to. “I do love you Catherine and if I was not as I am...” his words trailed away. Catherine’s heart raced. She listened intently; she had patiently waited while Vincent had struggled to tell her something. Those words were worth the wait. “Catherine...” Vincent gathered her closer still, burying his face tighter into her neck, drinking in the scent of her. It intoxicated him. He felt his body transform into a quivering, heated mass of longing. Catherine waited. Unwilling to break the spell by movement or words. For long tantalising moments Vincent’s hands traced along her waist, up her back, to her shoulders, down her arms, towards her breast. An involuntary shudder passed through her, and Vincent’s exploring fingers halted in their progress. His eyes when he pulled back to look into her face were filled with a mixture of longing and fear. Catherine’s legs had turned to jelly, her whole body catching up with them by the second, and she hastened to reassure him, “With love Vincent, anything is possible.” Vincent shook his head, “Not for me Catherine.” “Especially for you!” her voice rich with desire frightened him. Never before had they behaved like lovers. Never before had they allowed their emotions to get the better of them. Realising the danger, Vincent pulled away from her arms. The cold air rushed in heavy as they broke contact and Catherine shivered. “Now you are cold?” Vincent teased, his eyes lighting up. “So come back.” Catherine smiled, “Please Vincent.” she reached for him, but he took another step away, “I think it is time I took you home Catherine. You will have had sufficient night air to help you sleep by now I think.” Catherine searched his eyes. The atmosphere between them stretched and vibrated with unbearable tension, and Vincent’s attempt at putting them back onto an even keel was not working. “I don’t want to go home. I want to stay with you.” She was adamant. For long moments Vincent tried to calm his racing heart. “That would not be wise Catherine.” he spoke softly, lowering his eyes from her gaze. But Catherine was not to be put off. Bobbing her head she looked back up into his face, catching him unawares, making him gasp. His eyes bore the raw longing that he’d tried so hard to hide, and when Catherine saw it hope soared within her. “Or perhaps it would be Vincent.” she told him sincerely. “While you are like this, so vulnerable, perhaps it would be the right time to be together.” Stunned Vincent looked at her warily, trying to establish the train of her thoughts. Her heart thudded excitedly alongside his, and that alone unnerved him greatly. Stepping closer Catherine caught him to her before he had a chance to realise, moulding herself against his hard frame, causing a moan of delight to break from her unwilling, as she felt his arousal hot and hard against the pit of her belly. Wantonly she rubbed herself against him there, hearing Vincent’s gasp and laboured breathing, and Catherine felt jubilant that it took supreme effort for Vincent to pull himself away from her. His eyes were haunted as he stared down at her. Catherine’s mouth formed into a knowing smile that did little for his self-esteem. His breathing hard and fast as if he’d been running, Vincent stood shamed before her, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment, yet unable to turn from her and flee. “There’s no shame in your desire for me Vincent.” Catherine told him softly. The words dripping from her lips like honeycomb. Vincent could almost taste their sweetness, and how he longed to feel her softness moulded against him once again. How he desired the warmth of her body against his. Groaning, he at last turned away. “For me there is.” he rasped, gasping for air. “No Vincent.” Catherine reached for and held onto his arm. Vincent felt fire and ice from her touch race through his limbs and score his brain. He shuddered. “You should go now Catherine.” His voice rasped. Catherine was triumphant. They were so close. As Vincent’s body began to tremble, Catherine reached for him again, drawing him tentatively closer to her, caressing him gently as he fought against the desire raging out of control throughout his body... To be continued in chapter two.